Global Domination

Audio Autopsy - March 2005

01/03/05  ||  Global Domination

Strapping Young Lad: Alien

7.3 /10

Lord K: SYL never belonged to my list of things to listen to but I can now appreciate the madness a little bit more. “Alien” is quite strong an album, and I can seriously say I never expected that. 7

Syrrok: First off, the drums on this album are fucken sick! Second off, this shit is stronger than my hate for the rest of this month’s albums. That says a lot. Like Peter, the creative powers of Devy are refreshing and will keep his band atop the other tripe in the genre. 8

Farlus: If you like SYL you should like this album. It’s pretty good, but I can’t say that it matches up to previous releases like “City” or “Heavy as a Really Heavy Thing”. 7

Desert Eagle: This being my first listen to SYL, you’ll have to forgive me if I’m somewhat surprised by what I’m hearing. First I was surprised and mad. Then it started to grow on me. Now I can safely say I enjoy this weird ass thrash metal/whatever band. Watch out for love songs. 7

Derek: This is way better than their last album, this one makes it seem like Devin realized that there is more to “heavy” than a constant wall of pointless sound. I think this album might be the one to finally top “City” (the only album of theirs I like entirely). I know “Shitstorm” is going to be stuck in my head for a long time. I’m not a big fan of the band, but this is the best they’ve ever done. I haven’t deleted it midway through. Gene Hoglan owns you. 8

Jimmy The Duff: Truly excellent vocal work on this album; solid (far from outstanding) riffs and tighter than a virgin ass drumming! Some of the songs are too short, or simply don’t belong anywhere. “Alien” is yet another commendable effort by Devin Townsend. 7

Crowbar: Lifes blood for the downtrodden

7 /10

Lord K: Definitely not over-produced as so much else in the scene nowadays. I never had the hots for Crowbar, they are more like a chick you team up with when you run out of other chicks to fuck. But this album impressed me quite a bit, so I’m making them my regular sex-toy for a while. 8

Syrrok: Now that K looks like Kirk, I’m compelled to give this a good score. I was expecting huge things out of this album seeing as though I had the same appreciation of “Sonic Excess” as Farloose did, but I don’t think this one measured up. Nonetheless it’s a solid effort and a testament to their perserverance. 6

Farlus: The 3 year hiatus between this album and the last didn’t have any effect on how punishing this band is. One of the best releases of 2005, already. If you dig Crowbar, you’ll like this album. 9

Desert Eagle: Everyone always tells me, “Crowbar is SICK!”, “Crowbar kicks ass, you’ll love them!”, etc.. And you know what? They were fucken dead wrong. This is boooooring. I don’t know, maybe sludge is supposed to be boring. Whatever man, fuck it. 4

Derek: I’ve never been a big fan of Crowbar, so I really had no interest in this album. I can thank Audio Autopsy for forcing me to listen to this masterpiece. Easily Crowbar’s best effort in my books; proving that fat guys make some of the heaviest metal. “Lifesblood”, the closing track just earned these guys some major respect points, and maybe a free happy meal or twelve. 8

Jimmy The Duff: Farlus is always raving about Crowbar, so I can’t say I was surprised to have discovered a band similar to The Mighty Nimbus. The riffs are saturated with hook; overall, a very strong and gratifying effort. 7

Pain: Dancing with the dead

6.2 /10

Lord K: Pain is individual. I can take alot of hurt. 7

Syrrok: Well done stuff. Creative stuff. Rockin’ stuff. At times a little monotonous and contrived, but Peter’s unique sense of style keeps it in check. A highly pleasurable album. 8

Farlus: I liked this band until the vocals started. Another band that could kill the vocalist and the band would be ten times better. Fuck, where did they find this guy? Christ, this shit sucks. 2

Desert Eagle: As much as I want to love this album, I simply cannot. It’s too pop/techno for me. “Nothing Remains the Same” is a far superior album. For some reason Peter switched back synth strings and that’s just irritating. “Same Old Song” is probably the only song I really love. 6

Derek: This is an excellent piece of work; Peter has outdone himself and has really tightened up the “Pain formula” so-to-speak. I could totally kill E-tarded ravers to this music, beatmatching with a baseball bat. I doubt this will win new fans, but it should regain any he lost and solidify the resolve of the ever-faithful. 9

Jimmy The Duff: I was expecting great things from this band, it being fronted by Peter Tagtren and all; Pain seem to garner thorough amounts of praise for their work, too. In the end, I don’t reckon this to be much good, even though some of the electro moments do bring a warm smile to my face. 5

Exmortem: Nihilistic contentment

6 /10

Lord K: Exmortem shred ass but they won’t beat fellow Danes’ Panzerchrist anytime soon. It’s a damn good try though. 7

Syrrok: I love how I have to consult the fucken dictionary and thesaurus just to understand the goddamn song/album titles of these black and death metal bands. I’m sure these guys have some underground history I dont’ know about but that’s ok. In fact, that’s probably why I’m not still a virgin. 3

Farlus: After listening to these guys for a while I figured they had been around and, sure thing, I was right. You can always tell when I band knows how to kick their death metal old school style. Good death metal that you can bang your head to. 7

Desert Eagle: If this was porn it would be like that shit you find where the broad isn’t very attractive but there’s just something about her that makes you want to look at more pictures. Then later when you look at her again you think to yourself, “What the fuck was I doing looking at this ugly bitch?” In other words, eh, it’s alright. 5

Derek: From the title I expected some third-rate cheese-core black metal clusterfuck. Good thing I was wrong. While not the most original kids on the block, Exmortem at least know that these days death metal is best served with a light dusting of groove and melody. The vocals are savage and impressive and their delivery is commendable. Unlike the other sadsack impersonators I’ve reviewed lately, these guys are pretty damn good. 7

Jimmy The Duff: Exmortem have been playing Death metal for years, yet they’ve remained relatively unheard of up until recently. Personally, I don’t think that “Nihilistic Contentment” sounds too original, but it is an album worthy of praise nonetheless. 7

Nightrage: Descent into chaos

5.8 /10

Lord K: Don’t believe one word of the press-hype, if there ever was one. Tompa Lindberg is one excellent singer but that can’t help this material. Poor, poor, poor even though the performance is flawless. 4

Syrrok: You can tell these guys like riding motorcycles to the studio while wearing tons of leather. Probably throwin’ a few high-fives towards each other while the wind blows in their hair. I hope they stay clear of Hammerfall cruisin the other other way on their motorcylces. Ok about the music. A step in the right direction considering this months AA offerings. Still nothing that strokes my dragon. 4

Farlus: I’m not big on hardcore so I couldn’t tell you if this is good or bad hardcore, but some parts of it are pretty good. It gets kinda gay at times, but then again, it IS hardcore. 5

Desert Eagle: Sick riffs + Sick solos = Sick music. Totally sick you guys. 8

Derek: Two songs into this album and I’m thinking the balls of every other melodic metal band sound like they’re descending into Nightrage’s mouth. Although there are a lot of melodic moments, there weren’t enough well-developed ones to suit my liking. The drummer’s pretty damn good, though. If they clean up the production and define their sound more, I could see myself being a fan. 6

Jimmy The Duff: I’ve never thought anything to this band; I even owned a copy of “Sweet Vengeance”, an album that had its moments, but nothing that stood against its being so hastily forgotten. “Descent into Chaos” wipes the slate clean; Nightrage are playing nothing but to their strengths. 8

Blood Red Throne: Altered genesis

5.2 /10

Lord K: I loved their last album and these Norwegians know how to deliver their shit. There’s nothing even remotely bad about this. Blood Red Throne are among the finest deathsters in the scene at the moment. I. Fucken. Dig. 8

Syrrok: You’re not looking at anything original here. Decent guitar tone, but abosultely nothing else to make this memorable. In fact, I just forgot their name. 2

Farlus: Really cool death metal. Some of the sounds are off/weird, though. I heard something that sounded like bass, but it just sounded… not like bass. Production could use some work, but the music itself rules. 7

Desert Eagle: Chum chum chum chum snore snore snore snore… 3

Derek: I didn’t review any of these promos in order, but this was like number 5. They were to first band to not warrant banishment to a life of asphyxiating on syphillitic leperous dwarf cocks. I really dig the sound; a mixture of Chimaira and Aborted, to these ears. Groovy, grindy, gurgly. I dig it; I won’t be padding a trash can with this promo. 6

Jimmy The Duff: The production is lacking a lot of much needed grit; the drums and guitars sound awfully weak, and I reckon that the only instrument to come out on top is the bass. An album that is adequate for what it’s worth, although I tend to lose interest after the first couple of tracks. 5

Crionics: Armageddon evolution

4.7 /10

Lord K: If these zits never heard Dimmu Borgir I’m donating my left nut to Farlus. And my right to Syrrok. Crionics may sport a shit-name but execute some neat death/black metal with tons of keyboards they can. 8

Syrrok: I’m starting to think this is all a big joke. This month’s AA is all the same band except K went in and changed the titles to make em’ look like different bands. This brings nothing new to metal, and everything new to the principle of retardation. 1

Farlus: This music has great atmosphere. It’s black metal, which I usually don’t enjoy, but they use synthesized sounds well to create a mood to add to the music. I dig it most of the time. Can’t stand the vocals, though. Too many effects on them. 5

Desert Eagle: I was getting tired of all the generic death metal so I’m glad we’ve moved on to generic black metal, complete with corpse paint and silly names. And since I like black metal less than death metal, the average shit gets a lower score. 4

Derek: At times black metal, other moments drifting into Zyklon-territory. One constant, however, is that this band isn’t too innovative. I found this on their website; “Marcotic – the bassist and co-founder of Crionics had to leave the band. One of the causes is that he cut off his hair”. What the fuck!? Their keyboard player deserves thumbscrews for some of his work, the electronic hits in the background are fucking annoying. Big minus for the ‘evolution’ title and stagnant music. 4

Jimmy The Duff: A cross between Behemoth, Emperor, Enslaved and Dimmu Borgir; not bad at all. 6

Kaamos: Lucifer rising

4.7 /10

Lord K: Kaamos didn’t impress me with their debut but that has now changed. Swedish death metal de fucken luxe that gives me early Unleashed-vibes at times without losing their own thing, whatever that is. Kaamos definitely picked themselves up and managed to deliver one damn fine piece of plastic. 8

Syrrok: Holy Shit! Look out guys! For years millions of black metal goons have attempted to raise Satan with the powers of their shitty metal, but Kaamos has done it. Lucifer rising, and then crying at his untalented followers who can’t make a decent album. 3

Farlus: The vocals sounds the same in EVERY SINGLE SONG. If it weren’t for the variation in the guitars and drums I’d never know when one song ended and another began. Even then, it’s hard to tell. Ugh. 3

Desert Eagle: Their drummer is called Chris Piss? Are you kidding me? Pretty fitting as this guys are PISS poor. Eh it’s actually OK but I just wanted to say that. 5

Derek: With a title like “Lucifer Rising”, I was clearly expecting to hear some nice Scandinavian folk music … or not. Yeah, more fucking death metal. More wanton single-string shredding and double-kick drum insanity. However, Kaamos can at least slow down a little and allow some semblance of groove work its way into the music. I’m not bowled over with excitement, but I might listen to this again. For the right price. 5

Jimmy The Duff: Very little of “Lucifer Rising” thrills me; the guitar tone is awesome. 4

Impaled: Death after life

4.2 /10

Lord K: I don’t think these guys can spell “triggers” which is nice for a change even though the production is lacking quite a bit. Some deadlier and thrashier kind of metal that ends up being pretty damn fucken “so fucken what?”. 3

Syrrok: I like some of the ideas on here, but they need to ditch the Chris Barnes’ school of production and instead make their instruments audible. One of those bands that will never see their true potential due to shitty production. 4

Farlus: Classic gore metal, but not really my bag. I’m not too fond of old school production unless the music is actually out of the 80’s or something. 4

Desert Eagle: Well at least this album was a little different from all the others. It was different in that it had weird ass solos and leads that sucked and pissed me off. Being different is stupid. 4

Derek: It’s not a good sign when the spoken word parts of your album is better than its contents. Again, your standard death metal affair. The production is weak, although some good moments shine through. The vocals are decent, and so is the music. Unless you’re a really isolated death metal fan, you’ve heard this before—and probably all too often. They get points for the cheese, even if it wasn’t intentional. 4

Jimmy The Duff: I’ve read a lot of praise for this band; to be honest, I can’t connect sufficiently with the music. Still, overall, “Death After Life” is a success; a lot of noteworthy material. 6

Belef: Infection purification

4 /10

Lord K: Expecting nothing and get alot more is actually as nice as stroking yer penis with honey. Or so I heard. Well-played black metal with sweet riffing, overly trigged drums and a vocalist that leaves room for improvement is pretty damn pleasant when I think about it. Why haven’t I heard about these French fucks before? I belef ( I know, I fucken dominate) these guys could make an impact in the scene. They managed to do it on me anyways. Chaotic and good. 7

Syrrok: Effortus not givenus to the makingus of the musicus (You know that’s how these guys talk). 2

Farlus: If all metal were like this band, I’d listen to soft rock. Boring, repetitive black/death/thrash/penis metal. 2

Desert Eagle: Damn, listening to all this shit is so tiring. These guys are very unfamiliar with MELODY. It’s nice, it’s what makes music memorable. I’m not going to have fucken blastbeats stuck in my head all day. 3

Derek: I think this is death/black metal, but I can’t tell any of these songs apart; the whole album seems to be the same 45 seconds of music over and over. Triggered drums, generic guitars, and a completely obscured vocalist all amounts to crap marinated in suck, served with a side of shit. They can play well, but so can Bryan Adams; so I’m not really giving a god damn. The song titles are pretty giggle-worthy too. 3

Jimmy The Duff: Although their h5. s leave a lot to be desired, Belef produce some seriously saucy, ferocious Black metal. 7

Despised Icon: The healing process

3.7 /10

Lord K: Impressive musicianship and tons of Slipknot/Meshuggah-influences might not necessarily be a bad thing, but in this case it’s more like… Me-suck-ah. That was so bad I deserve a medal of some sort. Someone needs to kill the fucken screaming pig that occurs every now and then in the background. 4

Syrrok: My 5 year old nephew recently wrote better riffs than this and I still slapped him in the face for making such garbage. Age is no excuse, bile is bile. This is bile. 2

Farlus: I really dig what this band does. They strike me as a hardcore/death hybrid band. They do some really cool shit and have a lot of versatility. Good stuff. 8

Desert Eagle: This is one of those bands where the singer likes to hold the mic really close to his face and make really weird growly noises. They also love dissonance and terrible harmonies (MINOR SECONDS SHOULD DIE). If you like this kind of music you are either: A)Retarded or B)A retarded idiot. Take your pick. 2

Derek: What the fuck is this, the Cannibal Corpse tribute album edition of Audio Autopsy? Yet another band that thinks we’re back in the last 80s, content to do nothing that 1,000 other bands haven’t done before. This doesn’t suck so much as it, blows big goat balls with the fury of a coke-addicted cockfiend. I am beyond unimpressed. 2

Jimmy The Duff: Sounds like a decent enough attempt to fuse death, goregrind and hardcore. Yeah, not too bad; don’t know when I’d want to listen it again, though. 4

Immersed in Blood: Killing season

3.7 /10

Lord K: My fellow Swedes’ do their best to sound everything but Swedish death metal and succeed at it. If yer cup of brutality is the American brand of death metal, these guys are for you. I prefer the Swedish taste. 5

Syrrok: My ears are immersed in blood. This sucks. 1

Farlus: More boring death metal. Could also use some production work… The drums seem to overpower everything, especially the guitars. I can’t hear anything but snare drum in most of the songs. Who knows, maybe they wanted it that way. Sounds like shit to me, though. 3

Desert Eagle: Standard death metal right here. Nice and brutal with pretty good guitar crunch. I guess I can’t really complain, but I will. It’s not very original and nothing really stands out for me. 6

Derek: If you want more comprehensive detail on what I think of this band, wait for my review(s). For now, I will tell you that this band gobbles more cock than an alley whore trying to pay-off a student loan. If they were riding Cannibal Corpse’s balls any more, they’d be paying rent. Way too derrivative for my liking, and the vocalist does nothing for me. 2

Jimmy The Duff: Immersed in Blood remind me of Anata; as much as I worship the latter, I can’t seem to grow comfortable enough with “Killing Season”. Maybe my opinion is skewed by the less than hospitable production. It gets a five for being a decent effort. 5

Do or Die: Tradition

3.5 /10

Lord K: But for fuck’s sake. Take every bad thrash-riff you ever heard that bands usually scrap, mix it up with some bullshit hardcore-like vocals and a huge portion of Teh Bore and you got these clowns. You can now officially go fuck yourselves. 2

Syrrok: For the fucking life of me, stop with this crap. Bunch of guys in dark jeans, plain black t-shirts, and a plain black cap making angry noise. I will not allow this trend to be passed off as metal. Stop. 2

Farlus: I get an old Soilwork vibe from these guys, but with vocals more akin to old Haunted. Really hardcore-ish. These guys are alright, but nothing special. 6

Desert Eagle: I choose die, rather than listen to this crap. 2

Derek: Sounding like a mix of Chimaira’s vocalist with a death-tined hardcore backing band, I’m not sure what to think. It’s decent, somewhat catchy, but the vocals are really one-dimensional. The album is solid; the melodies work well, but I could do with a little more power in a vocalist who seems contented to stick with a single approach. Worth a look anyway. I’m moderately rockin’ to this number. It feels like a grower. 6

Jimmy The Duff: Eh… 3

Hammerfall: Unbent, unbowed, unbroken

3.5 /10

Lord K: It’s Hammerfall you know. How incredibly different can it be from the other albums they ever released? 5

Syrrok: These guys have the fucken balls to put ad cuts in their promo?!! As if the world has been sitting stroking their cocks waiting for the next Hammerfall masterpiece? Get the fuck outta here. No doubt Hammerfall’s fanbase is happy about this new stuff, but Spudd can keep it to himself and that one guy in Kansas. 3

Farlus: This power metal is too gay for even the most open-minded of listeners. How the hell this band is still around, I don’t know. I can’t imagine that there is actually an audience for this shit. This shit is gayer than Richard Simmons doing jumping jacks in a thong. With 3 cans of crisco and 2 oversized butt plugs. All in his ass. At once. It’s that bad. 1

Desert Eagle: Hahaha I love the anti-theft measures they took for the promo album. “This is Stupid McGee and you’re listening to the promo version of our new crap album.” Haha he said something like that. But honestly, how well do I expect this power metal album to do on a site like this? I mean I like power metal and all, but not shitty power metal like Hammerfall. 3

Derek: I was really fuckin’ apprehensive going into this album. Hammerfall’s legendary talents for power metal wankery and effeminate D&D-styled lyrics precede them. The music is excellent, if not outright self-indulgent, but I like it. The singing makes me wish I had an instrumental copy. I’m not a fan of power metal, but I’ve heard much, much worse. Proof Halford isn’t the only anal buccaneer that can make a good album. 6

Jimmy The Duff: Hahaha; some Power metal I can withstand, but I’m not even going to pretend to like this. I remember seeing some Hammerfall videos back in the day and thinking that they were nothing but a second tier band. The passing years have not been particularly friendly to Hammerfall, consequently giving an exceptionally drab collection of tunes. 3

Unearth: The strings of concience

3.5 /10

Lord K: I certainly do NOT fucken think so. I hope you fucken idiots die in a hotel-fire. 1

Syrrok: With all the shit I talk about these horrible non-metal bands (I refuse to use the term metal-core ever again), Unearth was the one that I could listen to for a second. Just a second. This album is the obvious precursor to their “breakout” album that I can’t believe people payed money for. There’s something to be said for bands playing for what they believe in, but perhaps they should just keep it to themselves. Not enjoying this. 3

Farlus: I cringed when I heard I had to review this album. I really hate this band, especially after seeing them live. Metalcore just doesn’t do anything for me, and this is more of the same. These guys are obviously talented, just not my thing. 4

Desert Eagle: Oh goody, metalcore, my FAVORITE. What irks me the most about bands like Unearth is that they have some good metal riffs but they just ruin it with shitty vocals and hardcore elements. I can’t stand these whiny yelling vocals. 4

Derek: Right off the bat I fucking hated these guys. Their ear-piercing guitar tone was kind of cool for a bit, but a whole song’s worth just infuriated me. I’ve seen bulemics with more substance than the production. Vocals sound like a third-rate Lamb of God. I hear talent and promise in the band. I just don’t hear a good album. That stinging might be the fucking clap for all I know and care. 5

Jimmy The Duff: The album cover promises great things; unfortunately, nothing seems to click. Mediocre stuff that inspires little. 4